The things I carry go with me everywhere I go no matter where I am. My most treasured physical possession, my goals and dreams, the bonds between people I call relationships, my personality, and memories. All those things I've accumulated over the past 16 years 11 months and 15 days have made me the person i am today.
I honestly can't think of a physical thing that i carry with me all the time that means a great value to me. Not even my phone or my iPod. I can do without those. I usually have some type of bracelet or necklace or one of those cool looking rings that spin with a peace sign or ying and yang sign or even my zodiac sign on it but whatever I get either ends up broken or lost .Even though there is a certain way I like my hair never have I ever been so concerned how my hair looks when I walk out of the door I just really hate it when people touch it. I don't know why it just bugs me a lot. Well one thing I would feel naked without is clothing (really that goes without saying but i just had to say it in case you didn't know). There is this one hoodie that y mom got my 9th grade year that I used to wear everyday even during the summer. That hoodie has been through so much with me. Always my go to choice of cover up to wear whenever I woke up late for school. But i just don't care enough about it to say that it means something to me. I carry something I just don't know what it is yet Whatever physical possession I have is ironically weightless. I don't even realize what I have even when its gone.
Dreams and goals...My dreams don' texpand into this elaborate fairy tale about how i want to live my life. I really don't like to plan that far ahead. Im more of a go with the flow type guy. I want to graduate from high school and get into college. I don't expect to get into a great college because of my not so good grades and lack of enthusiasm towards all the high expectations my family has of me. A majority of them being teachers retired and still working I'm pretty sure they'd be surprised to see my grades every six weeks. I don't need to get scolded by them about the bad grades that I've earned myself. I know what I got and I know why I got it. It's like a buzzing that wont stop. "How's school?" "What colleges have you been thinking about?" "What's your GPA?". I'm not looking forward to summer school but I'm 99% sure that I will be attending this summer. They will be pretty surprised when I tell them the big news. They have this illusion that I'm a good student like they all were and that I make good grades. All except my father, he knows who and what I really am. I carry all those high hopes and expectations that i know I wont meet on my back. Pretty soon I'll be adding the disappointment and scolding faces to my father's. Sometimes it weighs nothing and sometimes I can't even breathe when I think about it.
Well it's 11:59 now and after staring at this screen for a couple hours I'm pretty darn sure writing two more paragraphs in a minute is impossible for me. I might as well go make some pancakes...
Relationships are not my specialty. I don't have a "Martha" to be honest. There is no one that I can think of that inspires me to "go on" in life no one at all. Even a girl I called my girlfriend for seven months who even told me she loved me could not make me feel this love that everyone seems so eager to find...or be in or have(whichever you prefer). Even though I said it back every time I still felt incapable of truely meaning it. Love is such an empty word to me. There isn't anyone I look up to even though I have ample examples a phone call away. I don't even think my friends really know who I am. Even though I am an open book. They don't really know me. You could ask them what they know about me and they would only be able to tell you minor details about me or what they think are pretty secretive and only a true friend should know. I know way more about them than they know about me.Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's just me thinking that I'm better off alone, I don't really know. It's not on purpose or anything liike thhat that it's just a realization that I thought i should add to my senseless rambling. Where ever you are mhy Martha, my Rose, my Minnie Mouse, I carry a hole in my heart for you. I won't be waiting for you but if we do happen to meet each other please let me know so you take a bit of this weight that i carry with me. It's kinda heavy.
Hmmm... adjectives to describe me. I think this will probably take me another productivless hour to write but for the sake of time and sleep deprivation I will think of some words off the top of my head and I will try to make this one short. I would say that I'm relaxed, observant, and amusing. I rarely get stressed (that probably isn't a good thing) about anything. I really like to take things slow, take in a big deep breath and be chill about everything. I rarely have a frown on my face. I do like to observe things and people. I usually observe facial expressions and the way people's voices sound when they talk because they make me laugh and I think it's interesting how each individual may react to certain things. A lot of my friends do tell me I'm funny without even trying so I guess I'll just use that. I like to make people laugh and get there spirits up. I've been told many times that I could make light of the darkest situations. I usually make a joke about something (most of my jokes are ill timed I realize but it's worth a shot) I probably shouldn't joke about during such crucial times but it's still funny. Those are the three adjectives I carry around with my in my pocket so I can just reach in there and pull out whichever I need. They aren't that heavy but i'll always know they're there.
A memory that shaped me to be the person I am today...A moment in time that greatly impacted me so much that it stickswith me to this very day. I can't remember it nor can I make up one good enough to suffice the intensity of the memory I'd like to have. All I know is that I'll probably remember when it's to late. It's probably like a cloud. It seems fluffy and light but when it collects too much of itself, it turns heavy and dark and it falls towards the earth getting everything wet, affecting everything it touches. Affecting the way I dress, the way I carry myself, the way I talk, and most importatly the way I feel. There is nowhere in my noggin that that dense cloud like memory can't get to.
Dreams and goals...My dreams don' texpand into this elaborate fairy tale about how i want to live my life. I really don't like to plan that far ahead. Im more of a go with the flow type guy. I want to graduate from high school and get into college. I don't expect to get into a great college because of my not so good grades and lack of enthusiasm towards all the high expectations my family has of me. A majority of them being teachers retired and still working I'm pretty sure they'd be surprised to see my grades every six weeks. I don't need to get scolded by them about the bad grades that I've earned myself. I know what I got and I know why I got it. It's like a buzzing that wont stop. "How's school?" "What colleges have you been thinking about?" "What's your GPA?". I'm not looking forward to summer school but I'm 99% sure that I will be attending this summer. They will be pretty surprised when I tell them the big news. They have this illusion that I'm a good student like they all were and that I make good grades. All except my father, he knows who and what I really am. I carry all those high hopes and expectations that i know I wont meet on my back. Pretty soon I'll be adding the disappointment and scolding faces to my father's. Sometimes it weighs nothing and sometimes I can't even breathe when I think about it.
Well it's 11:59 now and after staring at this screen for a couple hours I'm pretty darn sure writing two more paragraphs in a minute is impossible for me. I might as well go make some pancakes...
Relationships are not my specialty. I don't have a "Martha" to be honest. There is no one that I can think of that inspires me to "go on" in life no one at all. Even a girl I called my girlfriend for seven months who even told me she loved me could not make me feel this love that everyone seems so eager to find...or be in or have(whichever you prefer). Even though I said it back every time I still felt incapable of truely meaning it. Love is such an empty word to me. There isn't anyone I look up to even though I have ample examples a phone call away. I don't even think my friends really know who I am. Even though I am an open book. They don't really know me. You could ask them what they know about me and they would only be able to tell you minor details about me or what they think are pretty secretive and only a true friend should know. I know way more about them than they know about me.Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's just me thinking that I'm better off alone, I don't really know. It's not on purpose or anything liike thhat that it's just a realization that I thought i should add to my senseless rambling. Where ever you are mhy Martha, my Rose, my Minnie Mouse, I carry a hole in my heart for you. I won't be waiting for you but if we do happen to meet each other please let me know so you take a bit of this weight that i carry with me. It's kinda heavy.
Hmmm... adjectives to describe me. I think this will probably take me another productivless hour to write but for the sake of time and sleep deprivation I will think of some words off the top of my head and I will try to make this one short. I would say that I'm relaxed, observant, and amusing. I rarely get stressed (that probably isn't a good thing) about anything. I really like to take things slow, take in a big deep breath and be chill about everything. I rarely have a frown on my face. I do like to observe things and people. I usually observe facial expressions and the way people's voices sound when they talk because they make me laugh and I think it's interesting how each individual may react to certain things. A lot of my friends do tell me I'm funny without even trying so I guess I'll just use that. I like to make people laugh and get there spirits up. I've been told many times that I could make light of the darkest situations. I usually make a joke about something (most of my jokes are ill timed I realize but it's worth a shot) I probably shouldn't joke about during such crucial times but it's still funny. Those are the three adjectives I carry around with my in my pocket so I can just reach in there and pull out whichever I need. They aren't that heavy but i'll always know they're there.
A memory that shaped me to be the person I am today...A moment in time that greatly impacted me so much that it stickswith me to this very day. I can't remember it nor can I make up one good enough to suffice the intensity of the memory I'd like to have. All I know is that I'll probably remember when it's to late. It's probably like a cloud. It seems fluffy and light but when it collects too much of itself, it turns heavy and dark and it falls towards the earth getting everything wet, affecting everything it touches. Affecting the way I dress, the way I carry myself, the way I talk, and most importatly the way I feel. There is nowhere in my noggin that that dense cloud like memory can't get to.
